Day 2

“Dear Body:

First, I want to apologize for doing this to you, but come one, you should be a little stronger, don’t you think?  It was just 1.5 mile non stop, that’s NOTHING! And here you are, feeling  defeated, longing for drugs that will end, or at least ease, your pain. You will get them soon, that’s a promise, but before I give them to you, I want you experience how it feels when you set out to do something that seems unattainable, something that you’re not good at, something that you’ve never tried. I want you to remember how it hurts now, so that tomorrow your muscles get stronger, and the next day you will draw from that pain to continue, to get to the finish line.”

Time flies when you’re having fun, but not when you’re running, it seems like those 45 minutes will never end. But somehow there is this twisted satisfaction when you’re done, “ HA now you’re in pain muscles!!” and you feel happy, successful!

I wish pain was always so real and tangible, you tend to remember that one day you fell off your bike and ended up in a ditch with a broken leg, or the time you fell off the stairs and got bruises all over your body, how about the time you tore your ACL and you had to have surgery, and you definitely remember the pain that comes from Malaria. So, how come when it comes to matters of the heart, relationships (not only romantic), choices in life, you forget the pain you felt that one day when someone broke your heart, or when you lied to your best friend?, you forget when others used and abused you, and you don’t seem to remember how you hurt yourself not being able to forgive. I wish my soul had VISIBLE scars, like the one on my knee, this scar reminds me to be careful when I play soccer because I’m gonna mess it up again. I want a scar that I can feel to remind me of the pain I’ve put myself through for being stupid, selfish and naïve, by letting others control my emotions and my happiness.

Because I am such a bad runner, when I run, I think of all the things that I’m not good at, I think of my flaws and my weaknesses. I think about ALL those things I can’t control that I know I should be able to. As I run and COMMAND my body to resist, to finish that 1.5 mile, it makes me believe I can COMMAND my soul to be better, didn’t they say I “have been given a Spirit of Power, Love and Self-Discipline”? I guess then, that I have no excuse! The only thing that can stop me from running this marathon is myself; the only one who can stop the change in my heart, is I.